Rest

This picture and story was shared all over social media last weekend:

 

I'm not one for getting all sappy and weepy over Facebook--but something about this photo brought almost immediate tears to my eyes. As I sat down and went back and forth from the story to the picture, the tears continued to fall. Maybe I was tired and maybe it had been a long afternoon and maybe I was hormonal. Just maybe. BUT, there was just something about that picture that just broke me. What was it?

It is the way that sweet, scared little girl is resting in that officer's arms. 

She doesn't know him from the next stranger on the street, but in her moment of terror and pain and unthinkable anxiety he offered his arms to her and, well, look at her. Still scared, still hurting, but not alone. She is lying in his arms, not tense, not looking all around or frantic, but resting.

I can only imagine that after the events that led up to this photo how safe she felt--even for just a moment, against that officers warm body tucked tightly in his arms.

That police officer was Jesus to that scared little girl that night--wrapping her in rest.

I needed that visual of God's love in that moment as I sat hot, sticky, overwhelmed and tired that evening on my couch. Those tears pooling in my eyes were whispers to my soul to get up off of the broken glass beneath my feet and look up, reach up, climb up into His arms and lay my head and my burdens and imperfections down, and rest.

...

Matthew 11:28-30The Message (MSG)

28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

In HIS grip,

Step into my office...

(or "closet," as some call it)

hours of operation: monday-thrusday from 7:30am-4pm.

well, not always there at my desk but you know, around...

sometimes buried under piles.

my office isn't one of those offices you walk into and immediately notice how organized, neat and clean it is. nope, thats not me...

but i'm ok with that.

i am a notorious "piler."

i make lists and piles like there going out of style. it's just how my brain works.

the only time my office is free of stacks of papers on the floor, files on the desk and crumbs on the carpet is, well...hmmm. 

sticky notes (see below) are detrimental to my memory.

i color code them and order them by priority on the wall right in front of me. i'm not sure how i started doing this, it just kind of happened. my students make fun of me but really, it helps a TON on those days when i sit down and have so many emails and things to do i don't even know where to start.

and, i usually sit on a bosu ball (you know, work the core while "working," a good ol' 2-for-1) but last week i rolled over a tack (sigh) so hopefully this weekend i'll replace this awesome student chair with a big ol' bouncy ball :)

 here's the "student corner."

 i've had fun coordinating Red Ribbon Week this week.
i've enlisted the help of my Senior Seminar class and they have been quite wonderful production assistants (most of them).

Here are a few of their artwork samples:

Natural High: An activity, art form or sport that you LOVE to do and makes you feel good inside. A Naturaly High does NOT involve drugs or alcohol. EVERYONE has at least one Natural High. (pens and sticky notes available for students to post thier "natural high."

some posters were more "high school" appropriate.

(neeless to say that this one hangs in the high school wing).

  

My favorite!

recognize these guys?

yesterday we decorated the commons with Red Ribbon and wore P.J.'s to "put drugs to rest," today we plastered the halls/cafeteria with post-it notes with drug facts/statistics written on them and wore sunglasses since "our future is TOO BRIGHT for drugs," tomorrow we'll post the faces of meth pictures (scary!) and wear boots to "stomp out drugs," and Thursday students will have an opportunity to pledge and we'll wear crazy hats to "use our heads and stay drug-free!"

putting together weeks like this one is just one of the reasons i enjoy my job.

sure, there are definitely days--and weeks that i feel stressed, overwhelmed and/or underpaid underappreciated...

during those times i often find strength in re-reading the words of advice and inspiration that my mentor-counselor emailed me four years ago when i was new to this very rewarding, yet often draining profession:

i keep this tacked in the corner wall by my desk and it has served many times as a much needed reminder of the crucial importance of balance, strength and faith.

but these days, "bad days" seem to disappear about 5 minutes from me driving out of the parking lot,

onto 395, 

and into the snuggly (sometimes sticky) embrace of my baby boy.

i may be busier these days but one thing is for sure:

this little "bee" keeps me balanced.

15 {whole} MONTHS!

i took my little punkin' head to the pumpkin patch today!

it wasn't really a planned trip. we want to wait for daddy to actually go on the hayride...

but our home is in desperate need of some seasonal decor and as i drove by Bellinger's on my way home i couldn't help but get distracted by thier cute autumn display (and plus, i always like to do something fun w/Kai on my half day of work!).

he ran like mad through the little hay bale maze full of very large orange and white pumpkins and he did THE CUTEST thing when i held up a miniature pumpkin and said "look Kai, a baby pumpkin!": he took the pumpkin out of my hands and snuggled it between his cheek and shoulder, like it was his actual baby. OMG. too cute.

needless to say we came home with lots of colorful gourds and mini-pumpkins

and Kai's BIG pumpkin for carving....

like the big ol' bump on his noggin? yeah, he likes to climb unstable objects. like, all the time.

 and this is his new "trick" that is happening way too often.

 here's an example:

the other day before his bath i left (quickly) to take a diaper out and came back to find his butt-naked body up on top of our wicker under-the-counter storage bin trying desperately to reach for his toothbrush at the back of the counter. what next?
(scary thought).

no joke, last night at dinner he requested to have ketchup with his grilled cheese.

i had cut the sandwich up and placed it on his tray with his peas and he pointed to the fridge and politely demanded something in his baby-speak. i don't know how i knew, but it was ketchup.

i squirted some out on a lid and he went right along with his meal, dipping each tiny piece of grilled cheese in the red tomatoey blob.

not sure where he learned this (hmmmm DADDY???!)

silly mommy + crazy daddy =

mr. personality.

with each month i keep changing my mind that no, THIS is my favorite age...

but really, he is more fun with each day.

here's a few reasons why:

it still melts my heart just as much as it did the very first time when he calls me "Mama."

he is obsessed with balloons, and often points to tomatoes hanging from the vines and calls them "bbbblllooooos"

he literally understands everything i say to him. i'll tell him to go get something, he does it. i tell him to "throw it in the garbage" he does it. i ask him if he wants a snack and he goes to the fridge.

he nods his head "yes" and "no"

he LOVES Elmo

every night after bathtime when we are brushing his teeth, he points to the picture in the corner on the counter of me and G and says "Daddy" and if G's gone he'll wave "bye-bye." yeah, it kinda breaks my heart.

today he had everybody in the library laughing when he was running through the stacks and shelves of books shreiking and laughing playing "peek-a-boo" and "i'm gonna getchu!"

he wants to be a big boy and walk everywhere. unassisted.

this hurts my feelings a little bit, but is a welcome relief on my back.

he always ends up sneaking onto my lap.

i plopped him into the booth next to me at McDonalds the other day (for our Monday recovery date) and he wriggled his way right up into my lap.

it's always better that way.

he still falls asleep on my chest with his little arm wrapped around my neck...

and wakes up every day with a huge smile to remind me that no matter how stressed, tired or late i am... 

everything is going to be ok. 

thank you baby boy for a refreshed perspective and giving me the most rewarding job of all.

worry much?

worry. something that unfortunately, i'm way too good at.

i was having a moment morning preoccupied with worry earlier this week. i'd gotten Kai down for his nap and found myself kind of wandering around the house, restless, anxious and miserable.

i wound up on my bedroom floor, with the best intentions of folding the basket of laundry that Kai had toppled over, but became preocccupied with a little blue book in my enourmous stack of "bedtime reading" beneath my nightstand (because it's too tall to be on top!).

via

within minutes of turning a handful of pages, i became enveloped in peace, and felt a refreshing calm wash over my ever anxious soul.

i allowed myself to become quiet and humbled before a God who is greater than any fear, and felt the weight of my worry-filled burden lifted off of my shoulders.

why do i do this to myself? i wondered.

worry is such a waste. sure, it's human nature and really can't be avoided....but i'll tell you one thing, it can be relieved. God wants to relieve it. and i need to do a better job of letting him.

here's a few of the passages that really hit home:

We expect Jesus to come in the form of peaceful hymns or Easter Sundays or quiet retreats.We expect to find him in morning devotionals, church suppers, and meditation. We never expect to see him in a bear market, pink slip, lawsuit, foreclosure, or war. We never expect to see him in a storm.

But it is in storms that he does his finest work, for it is in storms that he has our keenest attention. We cannot go where God is not. Look over your shoulder; that's God following you. Look into the storm; that's Christ coming toward you.
(Fearless)

We need to hear that God is still in control. We need to hear that it's not over until he says so. We need to hear that life's mishaps and tragedies are not a reason to bail out. They are simply a reason to sit tight.

Corrie ten Boom used to say, "When the train goes through a tunnel and the world gets dark, do you jump out? Of course not. You sit still and trust the engineer to get you through."

Next time your disappointed, don't panic. Don't jump out. Don't give up. Just be patient and let God remind you he's still in control. It ain't over till it's over.
(He Still Moves Stones)

It's not the absence of storms that sets Christ-followers apart. It's whom we discover in the strom: an unstirred Christ.
(Fearless)

And last but not least, my very favorite....

Eternal instants.You've had them. We all have.

Sharing a porch swing on a summer evening with your grandchild.

Putting your arm into your husband's as you stroll through the golden leaves and breathe the brisk autumn air.

Listening to your six-year-old thank God for everything grom goldfish to Grandma.

Such moments are neccessary because they remind us that everything is okay. The King is still on the throne and life is still worth living. Eternal instants remind us that love is still the greatest possession and the future is nothing to fear.
(God Came Near)

.......................

so the next time i find myself wrapped up and suffocating in my own worry i'm going to make an effort to pull myself out of panic, quiet the storm and in faith, prayerfully give it to God...

and rest easy knowing that HE is in control and my pitiful worry accomplishes absolutely nothing.

Let us come boldy to the throne of our gracious God.

There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Hebrews 4:16 NLT

a little of what you fancy does you good...

[goin' for it]

Seize the moment.

Remember all the women on The Titanic

who waved off the dessert cart.

Erma Bombeck

p e a c e...

nothing quite defines "peace" like the image of a soundly sleeping baby.

among the hustle and bustle of life, amidst noise and chaos, tired babies always embrace peace.

they may fight sleep in a loud and busy place, but wrapped in a soft, sweet smelling blanket or

skin-on-familiar skin, they eventually give in...

and sleep.

we all go through times when peace seems to elude us.

it's loud, it's busy and we're drowning in the noise of alarms, reminders and deadlines barring us from that deep, freeing exhale that seems to shift the heavy load we bear off of our backs so we can at last receive...

peace.

sometimes we just need to give in.

we need to let go.

maybe cry, maybe apologize, maybe forgive, maybe laugh....

we need to silence the noise of the world and breathe...

and allow ourselves to be covered and tucked tightly into the warm, renewing comfort

of God's perfect peace.

Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

 ^6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

device detox: a challenge for a technology dependant, socially unsatisfied generation.

[sound of fingers tapping keys]

We've all had it happen to us. Somebody texting or scrolling through email or Facebook during conversation/dinner/meetings/church/a movie/[insert your own instance].

I don't really mind this if it's sparce and done at random, but there are people who do this every 10-15 minutes (or less!) and it DRIVES ME CRAZY!

If you can't get through a movie without looking at your phone/texting you need a device detox!

Cell phone addiction is just as rampant as Ipod addiction, and both are equally harmful to the innate human ability to COMMUNICATE. Once one becomes so reliant upon technology to make them feel "normal" they are unable to properly or comfortably function in a social setting, which is really quite unfortunate and something that I see all too often in mine and (especially) younger generations.

Many of us struggle with technology vices. Maybe you constantly check your email. Maybe your always on Facebook. Maybe you spend hours surfing the web. Maybe you send hundreds of texts a day. Maybe you can't seem to stop working via email received on your phone...

Daniel Sieberg, author of The Digital Diet writes that "constantly checking your BlackBerry, Facebook, and Twitter can be addictive--when you aren't online you worry somebody needs you or that fun things are happening without you. This habit can stress you out and damage real-life relationships. It's tough to conect with someone stitting next to you when you keep checking for texts." Sieberg suggests going a day without using your phone or a day without logging in and instead "HANG OUT with friends, read a book, enjoy nature and you'll begin to see things you never did before when you were always looking at a screen."

I'm not going to lie.  I have three active email accounts (1 personal, 1 school, 1 work) and I receive all of them via BlackBerry. I check my FB, I text, I surf the web and sometimes play games on my BlackBerry. I check my BlackBerry frequently, but once I noticed myself reaching for it during frequent lulls in conversation or caught myself messing around on my phone mid-convo I knew I needed some distance.

After re-evaluating my device-dependance my realizations were:

1. The world will not end if the blinking light on my phone flashes for an hour or two unnoticed.

2. There is no email that can't wait. Really.

3. Facebook is more fun and interesting when you limit your checking to once or twice a day (if that!).

4. There is a great deal of real-life CONNECTION to others that is missed when you are slave to the screen (addicted to the constant checking).

5. Less is more. Balance is best.

I began to leave my phone in the car during social events, dinner dates, hang outs, etc. If I felt like I needed to have it with me (like if Kai was with a babysitter) I would silence everything BUT phone calls and keep it zipped in my purse until I heard a ring. I have also begun to make a point to NOT carry my phone around with me everywhere I go. I have so much more to do than pounce on my phone at it's demanding alerts, not to mention a pair of little blue eyes that want MY FULL attention and love.

Are you slave to you phone? Your laptop? Your IPod?

I challenge you to break free. Take a technology fast and walk on the wild side:

Listen to the breeze blow through the open window. Hear the birds chirp in the trees. Spend a solid hour playing with your niece or nephew. TALK and take interest in the lives of your kids. Your spouse. Pick up an old, perhaps forgotten hobby. CALL an old friend or even better, write a letter.

Just think of all of the hours you've spent staring at a screen or drowning out the world...what if you had devoted all of that time to something else? Your life may look a bit different...you may be happier...you may feel more fulfilled, you may find a renewed sense of purpose...

LIVE.



not my plan.

all i wanted to do was

a little evening yoga session,
finish the laundry,
fix a light supper and
read before bed.

that was the quiet evening i'd planned and looked forward to...

...............................................

Kai has been sleeping horribly. Like, worse than ever. I've read that babies often have disrupted sleeping patterns when they are mastering a new skill (i.e. crawling) or when they are teething (check, double check).

he's not really waking up that OFTEN, it's just a constant battle to get him back to sleep once he wakes up. (sometimes over an hour...)

everyone that i've whined to has said the same thing..."you gotta let em' cry."

yeah, easier said than done.

people have told me, and i've read that i should shut both bedroom doors and turn my monitor off and just let him "cry it out," "learn to self-soothe," blah, blah, blah....

here's the thing. i'm going to hear him no matter what, which means that inevitably, i will not be sleeping.

so tonight, i decided to "grow a pair" and not buckle under my baby boy's cries for me once i've put him to bed.

we went through our nightly bedtime routine (dinner, play, bath, book, bottle, bed) and after discovering  was out of the room, he cried.

i let him cry for a good 15 or so minutes and when  i couldn't take it anymore i went in and repositoned him, covered him up and patted his little butt and sang to him...too much? maybe, i couldn't help it.  i only did it for a few minutes, then i left.

he cried some more.

i waited 10-15 minutes and went in and soothed him again. it looked like he was asleep so i snuck away...

and he cried.

i decided that "enough was enough" and let him be.

i anxiously picked up around the house, did laundry and tried not to hear him. but i heard him, and i heard him, and i heard him.

i don't know exactly how long it was but it was definitely after the 20 minute mark that i decided  i couldn't take it anymore and marched into his room to PICK HIM UP AND SNUGGLE HIM (yes, i said it,  don't care what the dang experts say!) and knew right as i opened his door that something wasn't right.

it didn't smell like my sweet, clean, freshly bathed and lotioned babe.

i reached down to pick him up in the dark and found him and his bed/blankets/stuffed animals/crib bumpers covered in puke.

not spit-up, puke. there IS a difference. i'll spare you the explanation (you're welcome).

i picked him up and he immediately stopped crying but continued to projectile vomit all over me, the carpet, his crib, his toys, the walls.....

he was crying, i was crying, and we were both a slimy mess.

and to top it all off, he was poopy, that was probably WHY he had been crying all along. and i just ignored him. at that moment i HATED everyone who had given me the "cry it out" advice and i HATED myself for letting him cry for an hour in a poopy diaper--so hard that he completely emptied his little tummy (i honestly don't know HOW he had all of that inside of him).

i changed him (crying and apologizing), stripped his jammies off and took him to the bathroom to clean him up. i gave him a warm sponge bath and put fresh p.j.s on him (still crying) and then called my Mom.

"is that normal? can i feed him? i'm a bad mommy! can he sleep without crib bumpers? do you think he has food poisoning? i'm a bad mommy, what should  use on the carpet? should he sleep with me? i'm a bad mommy!"

what i said went something like that, while in the back ground Kai was singing/babbling so loudly and jovially that my Mom apologetically laughed "well, he sounds pretty happy now."

me on the other hand, i'm covered in puke and have to figure out how to completely strip Kai's crib, scrub the carpet/walls/toys and balance my baby who is clinging to me like a spider monkey.

after more laundry, rigging make shift crib bumpers out of blankets, re-making Kai's bed and trying to distract him from crawling in the mess he made so I could scrub away and {finally} getting him tucked back into a clean crib and ensuring that he was comfortable and fast asleep, here i am:

dressed for yoga.

covered in puke splatters instead of glistening beads of sweat.

eating a plate full of nachos instead of a light healthy salad.

vowing to never let Kai "cry it out" for that long again.

waiting for MORE laundry to dry...

learning the hard lesson, yet again, that i can map out my days, weeks and months and prepare for my desired destination...

 but HE chooses my route.

sometimes it faster, sometimes it's round-about. sometimes i end up in an unknown, unexpected place.

but you know what?

it always turns out

that i'm right where i need to be...

even if it means i'm up to my ears in laundry with nacho cheese on my face and puke in my hair.

ever ask: "Why me?"

We complain about the cross we bear--our burdens, whatever they may be...

jobs, family, relationships, "fairness," sickness, etc.

But what we don't realize

is that our hardship(s) are preparing us

for the dip in the road

that God can see and we can't.

God promises a safe landing

not

a calm passage.

When the road gets rough and the ride gets bumpy and uncomfortable,

we often ask

"God, why me?"

"But our problems, as big or small as they seem, are not punishment.

The are wake-up calls from a {loving} God.

God is not mad at you, He's mad about you,

and He will do whatever it takes to bring you back to Him"

(Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life).

When we can't understand why the world is crashing down all around us

we need to remember the message of the cross.

After all,

it's in that injustice, the greatest injustice in all of the world,

that our salvation lies.

If children with terminal cancer can find

love, joy, beauty and peace

in their day--and they do--why don't we?

~ Dan Zadra

* I received these images in an email forward today (the timing could not have been any better) so they are not my own work. There was no illustrator listed, so I don't know who to give the credit to, but just know they are not mine! I did, however write the follow up...(not the quotes, obviously).