it's been a year...

A year ago yesterday, Kai had his big surgery.

It was one of those days that i'll never forget. I remember every little detail about it. The smell of the waiting room, his last little cleft-lip smile over the nurse's shoulder as she carried him into the operating room.

The waiting. And waiting...

The tears that fell as I held him in recovery.

My heart still aches when I look at the pictures from that afternoon.

And the joy that I felt when he was safe, healthy, and breathing in my arms.

But more than anything, I remember the outpouring of prayers from family and friends, and feeling absolutely overwhelmed by the love and support that was given to us during that week.

Look what a year of healing and {prayer} has yielded...

Still smiley, still healing, still a joyful, happy blessing.

Thank you, Jesus!

15 {whole} MONTHS!

i took my little punkin' head to the pumpkin patch today!

it wasn't really a planned trip. we want to wait for daddy to actually go on the hayride...

but our home is in desperate need of some seasonal decor and as i drove by Bellinger's on my way home i couldn't help but get distracted by thier cute autumn display (and plus, i always like to do something fun w/Kai on my half day of work!).

he ran like mad through the little hay bale maze full of very large orange and white pumpkins and he did THE CUTEST thing when i held up a miniature pumpkin and said "look Kai, a baby pumpkin!": he took the pumpkin out of my hands and snuggled it between his cheek and shoulder, like it was his actual baby. OMG. too cute.

needless to say we came home with lots of colorful gourds and mini-pumpkins

and Kai's BIG pumpkin for carving....

like the big ol' bump on his noggin? yeah, he likes to climb unstable objects. like, all the time.

 and this is his new "trick" that is happening way too often.

 here's an example:

the other day before his bath i left (quickly) to take a diaper out and came back to find his butt-naked body up on top of our wicker under-the-counter storage bin trying desperately to reach for his toothbrush at the back of the counter. what next?
(scary thought).

no joke, last night at dinner he requested to have ketchup with his grilled cheese.

i had cut the sandwich up and placed it on his tray with his peas and he pointed to the fridge and politely demanded something in his baby-speak. i don't know how i knew, but it was ketchup.

i squirted some out on a lid and he went right along with his meal, dipping each tiny piece of grilled cheese in the red tomatoey blob.

not sure where he learned this (hmmmm DADDY???!)

silly mommy + crazy daddy =

mr. personality.

with each month i keep changing my mind that no, THIS is my favorite age...

but really, he is more fun with each day.

here's a few reasons why:

it still melts my heart just as much as it did the very first time when he calls me "Mama."

he is obsessed with balloons, and often points to tomatoes hanging from the vines and calls them "bbbblllooooos"

he literally understands everything i say to him. i'll tell him to go get something, he does it. i tell him to "throw it in the garbage" he does it. i ask him if he wants a snack and he goes to the fridge.

he nods his head "yes" and "no"

he LOVES Elmo

every night after bathtime when we are brushing his teeth, he points to the picture in the corner on the counter of me and G and says "Daddy" and if G's gone he'll wave "bye-bye." yeah, it kinda breaks my heart.

today he had everybody in the library laughing when he was running through the stacks and shelves of books shreiking and laughing playing "peek-a-boo" and "i'm gonna getchu!"

he wants to be a big boy and walk everywhere. unassisted.

this hurts my feelings a little bit, but is a welcome relief on my back.

he always ends up sneaking onto my lap.

i plopped him into the booth next to me at McDonalds the other day (for our Monday recovery date) and he wriggled his way right up into my lap.

it's always better that way.

he still falls asleep on my chest with his little arm wrapped around my neck...

and wakes up every day with a huge smile to remind me that no matter how stressed, tired or late i am... 

everything is going to be ok. 

thank you baby boy for a refreshed perspective and giving me the most rewarding job of all.

worry much?

worry. something that unfortunately, i'm way too good at.

i was having a moment morning preoccupied with worry earlier this week. i'd gotten Kai down for his nap and found myself kind of wandering around the house, restless, anxious and miserable.

i wound up on my bedroom floor, with the best intentions of folding the basket of laundry that Kai had toppled over, but became preocccupied with a little blue book in my enourmous stack of "bedtime reading" beneath my nightstand (because it's too tall to be on top!).

via

within minutes of turning a handful of pages, i became enveloped in peace, and felt a refreshing calm wash over my ever anxious soul.

i allowed myself to become quiet and humbled before a God who is greater than any fear, and felt the weight of my worry-filled burden lifted off of my shoulders.

why do i do this to myself? i wondered.

worry is such a waste. sure, it's human nature and really can't be avoided....but i'll tell you one thing, it can be relieved. God wants to relieve it. and i need to do a better job of letting him.

here's a few of the passages that really hit home:

We expect Jesus to come in the form of peaceful hymns or Easter Sundays or quiet retreats.We expect to find him in morning devotionals, church suppers, and meditation. We never expect to see him in a bear market, pink slip, lawsuit, foreclosure, or war. We never expect to see him in a storm.

But it is in storms that he does his finest work, for it is in storms that he has our keenest attention. We cannot go where God is not. Look over your shoulder; that's God following you. Look into the storm; that's Christ coming toward you.
(Fearless)

We need to hear that God is still in control. We need to hear that it's not over until he says so. We need to hear that life's mishaps and tragedies are not a reason to bail out. They are simply a reason to sit tight.

Corrie ten Boom used to say, "When the train goes through a tunnel and the world gets dark, do you jump out? Of course not. You sit still and trust the engineer to get you through."

Next time your disappointed, don't panic. Don't jump out. Don't give up. Just be patient and let God remind you he's still in control. It ain't over till it's over.
(He Still Moves Stones)

It's not the absence of storms that sets Christ-followers apart. It's whom we discover in the strom: an unstirred Christ.
(Fearless)

And last but not least, my very favorite....

Eternal instants.You've had them. We all have.

Sharing a porch swing on a summer evening with your grandchild.

Putting your arm into your husband's as you stroll through the golden leaves and breathe the brisk autumn air.

Listening to your six-year-old thank God for everything grom goldfish to Grandma.

Such moments are neccessary because they remind us that everything is okay. The King is still on the throne and life is still worth living. Eternal instants remind us that love is still the greatest possession and the future is nothing to fear.
(God Came Near)

.......................

so the next time i find myself wrapped up and suffocating in my own worry i'm going to make an effort to pull myself out of panic, quiet the storm and in faith, prayerfully give it to God...

and rest easy knowing that HE is in control and my pitiful worry accomplishes absolutely nothing.

Let us come boldy to the throne of our gracious God.

There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Hebrews 4:16 NLT

bad days and why i love sunflowers

some days are just bad.

 bad news, bad health, bad attitude, bad kids, bad boss, bad_______.

we each have our own battles and have experienced the empty feeling that arrives

when our hope and joy deflate after a day thats just, well, bad.

 we cry when the pool of life gets too cold.

 we worry and live in fear of the tomorrow that will inevitably approach, our stress like sharp teeth threatening to puncture our hope.

and we cry.

sometimes hard, sometimes quiet and alone.

and we sulk and pout

and let apathy rob us of moments that should be treasured, enjoyed, {lived}.

we all have days, sometimes weeks, and even months like this.

.............

{via}

rain pours, clouds multiply, wind picks up...

storms rage.

but never does the sunflower stop seeking the sun.

even on dreary days (like today) i peek out my window and see the young stalks leaning toward the small beams of light fighting to burst through the heavy gray cloud cover.

sunflowers, are resilient.

hopeful in effort and stong in stature.

what if we were seekers like our friend the sunflower?

and on the dreariest of days CHOSE to turn our face towards the cloud-covered light...

that light that we can't see but know is there.

it is that light that warms and awakens the depths of our tired soul and plants seeds of hope

that grow even the most impossible situations into something vibrant and beautiful.

..............

“We will find grace to help us when we need it.” 

Hebrews 4:16, NLT

..............

we don't have to know what lies ahead.

we can rest assured that in the midst of our storm, we will find grace.

not "can," not "should," but WILL.

...and with grace comes the strength to stay rooted firmly in faith, and like the sunflower,

the stamina to hold an unshakeable gaze steadily focused on The Son.

You will find grace to help you when you need it.

a little of what you fancy does you good...

[goin' for it]

Seize the moment.

Remember all the women on The Titanic

who waved off the dessert cart.

Erma Bombeck

p e a c e...

nothing quite defines "peace" like the image of a soundly sleeping baby.

among the hustle and bustle of life, amidst noise and chaos, tired babies always embrace peace.

they may fight sleep in a loud and busy place, but wrapped in a soft, sweet smelling blanket or

skin-on-familiar skin, they eventually give in...

and sleep.

we all go through times when peace seems to elude us.

it's loud, it's busy and we're drowning in the noise of alarms, reminders and deadlines barring us from that deep, freeing exhale that seems to shift the heavy load we bear off of our backs so we can at last receive...

peace.

sometimes we just need to give in.

we need to let go.

maybe cry, maybe apologize, maybe forgive, maybe laugh....

we need to silence the noise of the world and breathe...

and allow ourselves to be covered and tucked tightly into the warm, renewing comfort

of God's perfect peace.

Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

 ^6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Tuesday .02 (five randoms & some GOOD NEWS!)

1. Kai threw my BlackBerry in the FULL bathtub last night. Yeah, it's a goner (phone numbers, video clips, yet-to-be-printed pictures of Kai {tear}!). Talk about "device detox!" (I think I jinxed myself). However, I DID find the time today to take our HUGE pile of recycling AND 5, yes FIVE loads of laundry (all folded, too!). No, I didn't let our dirty clothes build up to 5 loads, I washed blankets, sheets, towels, car-towels, dog-towels, kitchen towels....
2. I did this workout today from Shape magazine. I haven't done any of her dvd's but judging on how fatigued my legs feel (a GREAT feeling, btw!), maybe I need to.
3. I've been meeting weekly with a "mentor" of sorts who has encouraged me to return to my long-lost habit of keeping a prayer journal. After about a month back into it I can't believe I ever stopped. Talk about rejuvenating the old prayer life! Writing my prayers down like letter to God is a wonderful way for me to keep focused (I have an ever-drifting overly imaginative mind!), yet also keep a record or diary of sorts of what I'm going through that day. It's pretty awesome to be able to look back and see how God worked even the hardest of situations out for good!
4. I've also been LOVE, LOVE, LOVING The Message (MSV) Bible. I've owned a copy for awhile but never really delved into it...until now. It's reads with a wonderfully personable feel and allows me to gain insight from the dryer or more difficult passages.
5. GOOD NEWS!: Today I received word that my Initial I (K-12) School Counseling license is in the mail! Due to some unfortunate circumstances this has been a LONG time coming, but at last I can reap the fruits of my grad school labors and put the past year of waiting and paperwork behind me! I actually cried (for joy!) when I got the message. YAY!

device detox: a challenge for a technology dependant, socially unsatisfied generation.

[sound of fingers tapping keys]

We've all had it happen to us. Somebody texting or scrolling through email or Facebook during conversation/dinner/meetings/church/a movie/[insert your own instance].

I don't really mind this if it's sparce and done at random, but there are people who do this every 10-15 minutes (or less!) and it DRIVES ME CRAZY!

If you can't get through a movie without looking at your phone/texting you need a device detox!

Cell phone addiction is just as rampant as Ipod addiction, and both are equally harmful to the innate human ability to COMMUNICATE. Once one becomes so reliant upon technology to make them feel "normal" they are unable to properly or comfortably function in a social setting, which is really quite unfortunate and something that I see all too often in mine and (especially) younger generations.

Many of us struggle with technology vices. Maybe you constantly check your email. Maybe your always on Facebook. Maybe you spend hours surfing the web. Maybe you send hundreds of texts a day. Maybe you can't seem to stop working via email received on your phone...

Daniel Sieberg, author of The Digital Diet writes that "constantly checking your BlackBerry, Facebook, and Twitter can be addictive--when you aren't online you worry somebody needs you or that fun things are happening without you. This habit can stress you out and damage real-life relationships. It's tough to conect with someone stitting next to you when you keep checking for texts." Sieberg suggests going a day without using your phone or a day without logging in and instead "HANG OUT with friends, read a book, enjoy nature and you'll begin to see things you never did before when you were always looking at a screen."

I'm not going to lie.  I have three active email accounts (1 personal, 1 school, 1 work) and I receive all of them via BlackBerry. I check my FB, I text, I surf the web and sometimes play games on my BlackBerry. I check my BlackBerry frequently, but once I noticed myself reaching for it during frequent lulls in conversation or caught myself messing around on my phone mid-convo I knew I needed some distance.

After re-evaluating my device-dependance my realizations were:

1. The world will not end if the blinking light on my phone flashes for an hour or two unnoticed.

2. There is no email that can't wait. Really.

3. Facebook is more fun and interesting when you limit your checking to once or twice a day (if that!).

4. There is a great deal of real-life CONNECTION to others that is missed when you are slave to the screen (addicted to the constant checking).

5. Less is more. Balance is best.

I began to leave my phone in the car during social events, dinner dates, hang outs, etc. If I felt like I needed to have it with me (like if Kai was with a babysitter) I would silence everything BUT phone calls and keep it zipped in my purse until I heard a ring. I have also begun to make a point to NOT carry my phone around with me everywhere I go. I have so much more to do than pounce on my phone at it's demanding alerts, not to mention a pair of little blue eyes that want MY FULL attention and love.

Are you slave to you phone? Your laptop? Your IPod?

I challenge you to break free. Take a technology fast and walk on the wild side:

Listen to the breeze blow through the open window. Hear the birds chirp in the trees. Spend a solid hour playing with your niece or nephew. TALK and take interest in the lives of your kids. Your spouse. Pick up an old, perhaps forgotten hobby. CALL an old friend or even better, write a letter.

Just think of all of the hours you've spent staring at a screen or drowning out the world...what if you had devoted all of that time to something else? Your life may look a bit different...you may be happier...you may feel more fulfilled, you may find a renewed sense of purpose...

LIVE.



two-cent tuesday: 5 tidbits.

1.

I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE house plants! My house would be a mini-rainforest if I didn't have a 9 month old who loves to eat potting soil and leaves. I have a handful of houseplants now, but want MORE. I need shelves...and hooks that hang from the ceiling! Here's HOW houseplants purify the air in your home, and HERE are the "Top 10 Houseplants for Cleaner Air."

source

2.

Even as I'm trying to feed Kai home-made, natural foods, I'm still accumulating several baby food jars. I've been brainstorming creative uses for these little guys and found lots of fun ideas here!

3.

I'm such a teacher in my gift-giving. My go-to gift for children's birthday's is ALWAYS books. And puzzles. Boring compared to all of the flashy electronic gadgets others shower them with? At the moment, probably. But you know what? A book or good puzzle will OUTLAST those loud and annoying toys anyday, AND make your child smarter while they play! One of the BEST things parents can do for their children is something that is so inexpensive and easy it is often overlooked: READING!! Here's why you should start reading to your kiddos when they are BABIES!

4.

 CUTE, Comfy shoes!

5.

 Stuck in a rut? Feeling depressed? Sorry for yourself? Not sure you have a purpose here on earth?

Check it out: How Helping Others Helps YOU!

(inspiring stories of kindness!)

ever ask: "Why me?"

We complain about the cross we bear--our burdens, whatever they may be...

jobs, family, relationships, "fairness," sickness, etc.

But what we don't realize

is that our hardship(s) are preparing us

for the dip in the road

that God can see and we can't.

God promises a safe landing

not

a calm passage.

When the road gets rough and the ride gets bumpy and uncomfortable,

we often ask

"God, why me?"

"But our problems, as big or small as they seem, are not punishment.

The are wake-up calls from a {loving} God.

God is not mad at you, He's mad about you,

and He will do whatever it takes to bring you back to Him"

(Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life).

When we can't understand why the world is crashing down all around us

we need to remember the message of the cross.

After all,

it's in that injustice, the greatest injustice in all of the world,

that our salvation lies.

If children with terminal cancer can find

love, joy, beauty and peace

in their day--and they do--why don't we?

~ Dan Zadra

* I received these images in an email forward today (the timing could not have been any better) so they are not my own work. There was no illustrator listed, so I don't know who to give the credit to, but just know they are not mine! I did, however write the follow up...(not the quotes, obviously).

Putting our eggs in God's basket...

Faith is putting all of your eggs in God's basket, then

counting your blessings

before they hatch.

 ~ Ramona C. Carroll

I don't believe that I have ever welcomed spring as readily as this year.

The past year has been one long carnival ride full of ups and downs and twists and turns of joy, heart break, laughter, frustration and tears (more happy than sad, but definitely more than normal...)

It was a long winter for us. Kai had his big surgery, I made the decision to not return to work only to find that as fate would have it, neither would G. We scraped by off of what was left of our savings after Kai's medical costs and Gary's unemployment checks. Definitely not the ideal living situation and

DEFINITELY a test of faith.

But the days have grown longer, the grass green, and the skeletal tree limbs now glisten with the promise of life.

Spring has arrived.

And with the anticipation of warmer weather, sunnier days and blooming flowerbeds comes hope.

It is a new season:

Gary has returned to work, and to my {delight} he has jobs lined up locally (well, in the Northwest which is pretty dang local compared to what he's been doing!).

I've found part-time work through the end of the year in order to help compensate for some of the debt we've accrued throughout our stint of unemployment...and I have a promising offer in the works for full-time employment next fall :)

Kai's lip/nose have healed in textbook fashion. There have been no complications or surprises, and we are in the clear for additional operations until his extensive dental exam next fall...

.......................................................

Having to live paycheck-to-paycheck and not knowing if we would be able to make our mortgage payment has really done more good than harm. We have a whole new outlook on our finances and money management. We have been really spoiled up until this point (spoiled enough for me to just "opt" out of work and not think twice about it). We have always made large frivilous purchases and taken vacations and never really batted an eye.

Oh my, how things have changed.

We have become practical, coupon-clipping, (for lack of a better word) cheap asses. But ya know what? It suits us. I feel better about our spending habits, and we are most definitely on a more reliable road to becoming debt-free. 

There are, however, a handful of  things indulgences that I've gone without over the last four months that we I am quite excited about partaking in once we build up a little bit of cushion.

Like:

Getting my hair done!!!!!!!!!!!!! (it's been since NO-freakin-VEMBER)

so. not. okay.

thank GOODNESS I'm not the blonde that I once was. that would be extrememly hideous.

A much needed pedicure. I've been good and exercised great self-control in this area, turning down numerous offers to accompany friends and family...I'm definitely due for one.

A little vacation. Nothing big, just a weekend out of town.

I'm thinking Seattle for the weekend of our anniversary (4/14).

*Just the thought of it makes me smile*

Maybe, just maybe a few new clothing items.

I can justify because Seattle boasts some of my favorite second-hand stores and some great sale-racks, AND I kid you not I have not purchased a clothing item of any kind (non-maternity) since I was pregnant. Thats right, no new clothes for 17 months. I've saved us a fortune right there! I'm not gonna go crazy, but I do need a few items...mostly because i'm not all the way back down to my pre-preg size (sigh) and really don't have anything that fits me right at the moment...so it'll be a bittersweet shopping trip, but at any rate, it'll feel nice to slip into something new that fits right! 

Wine. and NOT the $4 Lucky Duck from Walmart.

.......................................................

However, becoming more frugal and disciplined with spending was not the biggest lesson we learned this winter.

The most important, vital lesson we have come out of this trying season with has been learning to do just as the quote says,

leave our eggs in God's basket and count our blessings...while WITH FAITH, we wait.

and trust.

and pray, and pray and pray....

and in the midst of the "unknown," continue to smile, laugh and love.



source



maintaining balance: reading for pleasure, taking exercise outdoors & (of course) food

all throughout my Masters program, i kept a running "reading for pleasure" list, as i will admit that i did NOT keep a "balance" between school/work-related reading and personal "for fun" reading (who does can?) much of my grad school reading was compelling, interesting and very relevant, so it wasn't like i was stuck reading the DSM (well, sometimes i was) or pouring over case studies (well, sometimes i was) but for the most part it was all good (i'll admit right now that i actually miss being in school--i could honest-to-God be a lifetime student. i love school. sick? maybe, but very true).

well, i'm done with grad school, and am not planning on going back for the good ol' Doctorate for awhile. someday, perhaps, but not now...

so, i'm reading for pleasure (finally!)

i've been burning through books like crazy, like i'm making up for lost time.

i read mostly at night. after Kai's in bed and i've somewhat put the house back together i look forward to nothing more than making a cup of tea and crawling into bed or into a big fleece blanket on the couch with a book. the problem with this is many times, i can't stop. i keep reading and reading and reading and before i know it, it's 1am...but i'm back at it the next night.

i remember when G and i were first married and i felt guilty asking if i could have my bedside table light on because he had to get up early for work...so i would bribe him with the promise of tickling his back/scratching his head while i read to offset the light being on.

this bit me in the butt.

now EVERYTIME i read in bed, G rolls over (practially across my lap) and says "you know the deal..."

so not only have i been doing a lot of reading, i've been doing a lot of tickling and scratching (sigh).

i've been, like, WAY obsessed with Kristen Hannah. she has 18 novels published, and so far i've read 10. they are pretty good sized, too. but to keep me well versed and balanced, i've started offsetting her novels with non-fiction to kind of give me a bit of variety.

so yesterday, i started (and finished!) Portia De Rossi's Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain

i remembered watching her on Oprah, GMA, the Today Show and, of course Ellen (her wife) promoting the book. She struggled for over twenty years of her life with extreme dieting/bulimia/anorexia (dropping below 90 lbs. at her lowest point), and tells her story with unflinching honesty. i enjoy reading memoirs about real-life people who have triumphed over life's obstacles...especially when they write with such breathtaking, raw courage.

while i have never struggled with an eating disorder i have battled with the pressure to be thin from a society that glorifies skin and bone. i have a naturally very athletic build, and have always had thick legs and been able to put on muscle quite easily. i love food too much to deprive myself, but i have definitely attempted (and failed) some pretty crazy diets/exercise regimes.

i've concluded that no supplement, program, club, class, diet, drink or pill will do the trick.

if something does cause you to lose weight rapidly or drastically, you will inevitably gain it all back (or more!) once you stop. your body will always return to it's natural, "healthy" weight.

with that being said, i'm going to share some of my favorite excerpts from the book (Unbearable Lightness) that i believe everyone can relate to, and should hear. take it for what you will, but i believe it packs a powerful punch:

• I hate the word exercise. I am allergic to gyms. But I don't think that "formal" exercise in a gym is the only way to achieve a healthy, toned body. I have discovered that enjoyable daily activites that are easy, like walking, can be equally beneficial. I have noticed on my daily walk with my dogs that I rarely see an overweight person walking a dog, whereas I see many overweight people walking on treadmills in a gym. I attribute this not only to the frequency of having to walk your dog, but also the good feeling one has when doing something good for another being. Seeing my dogs' excitement as I walk them around my nighborhood every day makes me happy, and when I'm happy I walk a little taller and a little more briskly. I can only imagine the enjoyment parents must experience when seeing the joy on their kids' faces as they play tag football or shoot hoops with them.

• I also enjoy being outdoors. I like breathing the cold night air deeply into my lungs as I walk up the hills in my nieghborhood and smelling the forest air as I walk on hiking trails after a morning rain.

• Another way for me to stay fit is to do activities where I can learn a skill, like horse riding or tennis or dancing. I find that if I can concentrate on getting better at something, rather than getting fitter or looking better, I accomplish all three things- the latter two bieng happy by-products of the original goal. Doing an activity to relax is also important for me. I swim to clear my head rather than count laps and burn calories. Swimming slowly is a form of meditation for me.

• I have found ways to increase my heart rate, stretch my muscles, and breathe deeply every day in an enjoyable way that I would never label as exercise.

• I eat every kind of food that I like, moderating the portions using my appetite and not a calorie counter. I love fat and I love carbs. Nothing fills you up and feels more satisfying than a mashed potato or pasta and olive oil. There are days when I eat a large bag of potato chips for lunch and I feel too full and greasy to eat anything else until dinner. It may not be the healthest, most balanced day in a lifetime of days, but I more than likely won't repeat it in the following day.

• The diet industry is making a lot of money selling us fad diets, nonfat and sugar-free foods full of chemicals, gym memberships, and pills while we lose a little of our self-esteem everytime we fail another diet or neglect to use the gym membership we could barely afford. Restriction genereates yearning.

• You don't have to be emaciated or vomiting to be suffering. All people who live their lives on a diet are suffering. If you can accept your natural body weight-the weight that is easy for you to maintain, or your "set point"--and not force it to beneath your body's natural, healthy weight, then you can live your life free of dieting, of restriction, of feeling guilty every time you eat a slice of your kid's birthday cake. But the key is to accept your body just as it is. Just as I have had to learn to accept that I have thighs that are a little bigger than I'd like, you may have to accept that your arms are naturally a little thicker or your hips are a little wider. In other words, accept yourself.  Love your body the way it is and feel grateful toward it. Most improratant, in order to find real happiness, you must learn to love yourself for the totality of who you are and not just what you look like.

Pretty thought-provoking and inspiring if you ask me.

It really is all about maintaining a healthy balance and accepting and loving and taking care of the bodies that we have been given. Too often we get lost in the lies our culture shoves down our throat that make us believe our attractiveness is directly correlated with our jean size, but I call B.S. on that notion. I'm not as "thin" as I once was, but you know what? I'm happy. I'm healthy. I LOVE getting out and enjoying the sunshine with my baby and puppy dog, and taking (and teaching!) fun classes at my gym. I've lost the pregnancy pounds and am currently sitting at my bodies natural, healthy weight of 150 pounds--not the 125 that I once maintained with such discipline. I've traded size 2's for size 8's but ya know what?

I'm smiling.

refusing to give into apathy. anger. helplessnes. (in the wake of tragedy...)

when the news of the tragic earthquake/ensuing tsunami first hit the news i stared {silent} at the screen, my heart anxious and aching for the great loss and devastation weighing heavy upon the people of Japan.

without thinking, i peeled my eyes away from the screen and walked straight into Kai's bedroom, where he lay fast asleep in his crib. i picked him up and just held him close, taking in his sweet baby smell and feeling the rythym of his warm breath on my neck.

{life is precious}

i hate that helpless feeling. you know, the kind you get when something really terrible happens and you can't do anything to stop it. it could be a natural disastor, like this one all the way across the globe OR, maybe a relative with cancer. death. a friend who has lost their marriage--or baby. a hurting, lost child.

you find yourself asking "why."

your heart feels cold, questioning and sometimes {bitter}.

you feel helplessly adrift in a deep sea of suffering.

but it's in those very moments that we often fail to realize that we (yes, you and me) are equipped with the ability to provide the most vital, important kind of support that one can offer. 

Prayer.
^6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

 Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

too often we underestimate the power of prayer. but just think of how much more {hope} you could bring to your life and the lives of those around you if you decided to replace all of your energy spent on worry, with prayer.

Life is overwhelming, and nothing that WE can do, on our own, will ever be enough. We will continue to question, blame and drown in depression and search for meaning until we {embrace} the God who gives life and

hears the prayers of His children.

 Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you {hope} in the Lord.

Psalm 31:24.

source

In the multitude of my anxieties within me,Your comforts delight my soul.

Psalm 94:19