searching for strength, and sometimes hope.

focus on the good, pray about the rest.

that's what i am reminded of when i reflect back upon this week.

i'll be honest. this was one a bit of a tough one for me. i spent the majority of the week feeling under the weather--the kind where you feel ok enough to go to work but not crappy enough to stay home--although there were sure a couple of those days i wished i was at home in bed.

i spent too much time this week worrying about what i can't do to "fix" the negative:

the students who can't seem to get motivated to show up,
the students who are failing,
the seniors not on track to graduate,
the little ones who will go home to a cold or empty house,
the students slowly withdrawing or slipping away
the students who are silently begging to be loved or believed in...i could go on and on....

there was one day this week when i picked up my babies from daycare and almost lost it as i cradled them in my arms and asked my wonderful daycare provider (whom i sometimes confide in like she is my own mom) how on earth she could send her sweet babies off to school--out into the unprotected, cruel world? sure, i had spent the day kind of immersed in the muck and mire, but as a parent it now hits me deeper--different than it has before. i know i have a few years still, but how, i wondered can i just release Kai and Sunny out into the world where they are at the mercy of the unknown?

me.

is what i heard and felt confirmed in my depths of my heavy heart.

i can't do it. but with prayer, He can.

what I need to do is just whatever i can with the time that i have.

with my students, with my children, with my family, with my friends.

i need to listen to that leading voice. give hugs, encourage, uplift, listen, love, DO.

and whenever what i have done doesn't feel like enough, let God shoulder the rest.

...

looking back upon the week, i can actually see that He sent me joy in the midst of despair:

...in the scholarship essays a handful of my seniors wrote that were honest, heart-wrenching and raw. a true celebration of my favorite word, resilience. i hope they don't ask about the tear-smudges on their papers. i'm so proud of them...

coming home late from the college on my long tuesday work day and finding the kids in bed, kitchen clean and my husband still up, folding the larger than life laundry pile on our bed--which is mostly made up of clothes i disgard in the hurried frenzy of getting dressed for work each morning. he apoligized that not everything may be in it's correct place. i just smiled...

and in my baby boy, who has done SO, SO, good with sharing mommy and daddy's affections with his new little sister. on a few different occasions this week came to me and just held his little arms out and said, "mommy, hold me." i pick him up and squeeze him tight.

and then we pull apart and come out of that safe embrace and go our seperate ways which are sometimes scary and most often, unknown. but together we rest in the forever grasp of blessed assurance.

we can only do so much on our own.

i guess we all need a little reminder once in awhile.