I wrote a similar post via FB notes about a year ago and thought it only fitting to follow
what I learned the first month up with what i've learned with the first year of motherhood.
so, here it is:
1. sticky floors and dirty dishes can wait.
in my opinion, the best mommies are the ones with the dirty floors, sticky counters and overflowing laundry baskets. why? because instead of striving to keep a spotless house, they understand the value of putting off housework to PLAY and explore and interact with their child/ren. i've never been miss susie home-maker who meticulously maintains all things spick-and-span, but i have felt my blood pressure rise when Kai rises from his nap and i've only got 2 of the 5 rooms of the house cleaned. i've learned that really, it can wait. the quality of life and our time together are greatly improved by me relaxing about house chores. friday is deep cleaning day, so please don't judge if you happen to stop by on a thursday....
2. sometimes cheaper is, acutally, better.
ok, i'm gonna admit it. for a long time i've been kind of a brand snob. but perhaps with our winter work woes (G's temporary lay-off) one of the best lessons i learned was: OMG! the economical store brands are just as good...and for a few choice products, i actually PREFER them! for example, many of my mommy friends are partial to
Pampers brand diapers. they are great diapers, and do have such a lovely baby-powder smell to them...but they are honestly around $10 more a box than the WALMART brand (
Parents Choice) that i have been buying which do the job BETTER and FIT BETTER (for Kai, anyways). no, they don't have that special scent, but that's $10 i can spend on something else. other things i've been buying "off-brand" that i have come to prefer: baby wash/shampoo (i love the Target brand) and wipes (just the cheapest unscented box). i also yardsaled for almost ALL of Kai's clothes and toys--it's INSANE how much you can save if you yardsale before heading to the mall.....try it, i dare you.
3. buy in bulk.
if you don't buy things like wipes and diapers in bulk, you will find yourself at the store ALL THE TIME. it took me awhile to really get this. i always felt like i was saving money to just buy a smaller pack and spend less...but i had to go back and buy WAY more, which is stupid and idiotic on my part. i was lucky enough to be stocked up on diapers from baby showers so i didn't really have to start buying them until Kai was around 5 months, maybe thats why it took me so long to realize that as far a babies go, bulk is better! also, if you bottle feed, you will save big bucks on formula by buying it in bulk (check websites like amazon!). a few other items that i liked to stock up on was ibuprofin (the bottles are small, and there is nothing worse than having a fussy teething baby who needs meds and not enough in the dang bottle to give him a full dose) and bottles (we used Dr. Browns)...it sucks having to wash bottles when you are in a hurry, so more is better if your lazy like me!
4. go places. often.
socialize your baby! don't be afraid to take them places, explore, and expose them to new environments. this is SOOOO important. i was reluctant to get out of the house much those first few months, but eventually learned that it is imperitive to baby's social devlopment AND mommies sanity to get out and about. Kai is easy to take ANYWHERE and loves to go, go, go. i attest this to G and I taking him all over the northwest for his first year of life. he got used to the "unfamiliar" and learned to be okay away from the confines of his house. you don't have to leave town to do this though, just go to the park, the library, farmers market, museums, mommy groups, church, etc.!
5. let them be held often by others.
new mommies can sometimes be reluctant to hand off their precious newborn. i get this. i didn't really want to let go of Kai for the first couple of weeks (which ironically is when you have the most visitors). but just as it is important for them to be introduced to a variety of places, they should in turn be allowed to interact with a variety of people. here's something that happend just last week at, yep, you guessed it: Walmart. haha. i had a full cart and there was a very long line (shocker!). Kai was DONE with sitting in that cart, so to appease him i pulled him out and held him while we waited in line. there was a sweet older hispanic lady in line behind us who didn't speak much English but had been chatting with Kai while we inched our way toward the cashier. at last it was my turn to unload so i began to lower Kai back into the cart and he straight up flailed and refused--no crying, just protesting with the body. the woman behind me (bless her heart, she must be somebody's favorite Grandma) offered to hold Kai for me while i heaped my goods onto the checkstand belt. Kai just smiled at me like "see, mom, i'm fine" and contentedly watched me. you obviously have to use your mommy judgement in cases like this, but i knew she was safe and found it so very sweet that she'd offered to help (did i look that stressed?!). bottom line: be quick to share your baby. someone else, you and your child will be better for it!
6. don't rush them.
other babies will crawl before yours. walk before yours. sleep through the night before yours (jealous!!). start solids before yours. be weaned before yours. teethe before yours. be potty trained before yours. don't stress, fret or rush these milestones! enjoy your little one where they are, today. if you waste this precious time with them worrying about "when" any of the above will happen, you will wake up one day wondering where all the time went. enjoy today, because it's a day you can never get back!
7. take a deep breath and be ok with germs.
i'm no clean freak. however, when we swing at a very PUBLIC park and Kai rubs his sweaty hands all over the chains and seat and then PUTS THEM IN HIS MOUTH i can't help but cringe. of course i attempt to extract the fingers from mouth, but when he's teething, that's dang near impossible. he eats food he's flung off of his high chair OFF the floor and typically out of some crevice or corner where it has been for (shamefully) too long. he drinks out of Honey's bowl. he eats Honey's food. he will knaw on Honey's bones. he licks windows. sucks on rocks. plays around he toilet. puts his mouth on the play-toy in the Dr.'s office waiting room.....etc, etc, etc. the other day, G just about had a heart attack when he walked in to find Kai playing with the fly-swatter. he said
"really babe, the fly-swatter?" (implying my negligence). i shot back
"you want to entertain him while i cook dinner?" sometimes, you just gotta take a deep breath and thank the Lord for soap and disinfectant wipes and keep repeating
"it's just building his immune system...it's just building his immune system..."
8. how to get ready while baby is awake.
i have a box of toys in my bedroom for days when i'm forced to get ready for work while Kai is awake. somedays are worse than others, worse being him pulling on my pants/shorts/legs whining the whole time for me to pick him up. those are not the best of moments. most days, however i break out the "bedroom toys" that are slightly new to him because he doesn't see them every day. they entertain him for awhile and then he usually transfers his attention to the bottom drawer of my bathroom vanity which includes all of my hair products, brushes, combs, blow dryer, etc. once he's bored of that he gets in the shower an knocks everything off the ledge and if mommy REALLY can't find anything to wear he starts to empty out her underwear drawer or the laundry basket. so how do i get ready while Kai is awake? learn to let my room be turned upside down, i guess. i just make sure to shut the door behind me so i don't have to see the mess until i get home!
9. clothes and furniture are never really spotless.
i could clean my couch and rugs every day. they probably need it that often. but i don't, and
i'm ok with that. i'm not someone who washes their jeans after each wear. this means that more often than not you may spot dried formula or baby food on various articles of clothing that i'm wearing.
i'm ok with that. i often find cracker crumbs dried beneath my bra.
i'm ok with that. it gets a little more difficult when i'm dressed for work and trying SOOO hard to stay clean and non-wrinkled and have to feed Kai, change Kai and get Kai out the door---and stay clean and pressed? yeah freakin' right. but, i'm ok with that. people are generally understanding when you tell them why you look slightly disheveled. and really,
i'm ok with that.
10. hold them, rock them, savor the snuggles.
my mom and sister who have watched Kai often have remarked to me
"you definitely pick him up when he cries, don't you?" ummmm heck yeah, i do! wanna know why? one of these days he's not going to reach up for me to swoop him into my arms and nuzzle him inbetween my neck and shouder. one of these days he's gonna be too big to hold and honestly, i'm going back to work pretty much full time in a week (tear!) and i promise i will NEVER regret any snuggle time i've logged with my boy. same goes for rocking him to sleep. no matter how tired, busy or hot (still no a/c!) i may be when i'm putting him to bed, i always rock, sing and snuggle before nestling him in his crib. i treasure that time and know that all too soon he won't want me to rock him to sleep. so even though he's a walking little monster now, you will often find him in what is still his very favorite place: my arms. and as long as he's reaching up for me, i'll be holding, snuggling and rocking.
Thank you, Kai for changing the way i see the world,
re-arranging my priorities and improving my perspective.
i'm forever grateful.
