mommy tired.

there is a BIG, HUGE, MONSTROUS difference between wussy ol' plain tired

and MOMMY tired.

ha.

i'm sure people could go on for dayyyyyys with their own "proof," but here are just a few of mine:

You know you are "mommy tired" when....

you find the peanut butter in the fridge and the jelly in the pantry...

when you repeat the same story to your husband for the third time in an afternoon...

when you have the diaper bag, your work bag, the baby carrier, your lunch, the kiddos lunch and your 2-year old all out the door and are so proud because for once, just once you aren't late and then you realize on your way out the driveway that that's not your cell phone in your hand...it's the t.v. remote...

when you can't remember the last time your poor neglected dog got actual dog food...

when you can't muster up the energy after a long day at work to stop your 2-year old from doing something so terribly destructive. you just sit there in your tired stupor and laugh...

when you pull a shirt out of the pile on your bedroom floor and actually NOTICE this time that is has that dried shoulder drool/milk smear...and wear it anyway...

when "dinner" is what's left on the highchair tray...

when you swear you are doing that early morning juice pour with your eyes closed...

and this one takes the cake:

when you realize, not in the car, not in the parking lot, but IN THE STORE that you failed to put anything on under your ratty oversized sweatshirt. Awesome.

All true.

Even in this magical time right now where both babies are sleeping mostly through the night...I still get that "Mommy" kind of tired after sick nights, days with shots, early mornings, etc. and ya know what, i just laugh and embrace the bags under my eyes and messy house because i'm with a large Army of mommies who are right there with me--at work with dried spit up on their shoulder, pouring juice half-asleep for an early riser, eating half-chewed bites of cold pizza off the high chair...

i'm not alone.

us mommies, we laugh and love together.

and awake, we dream of one sweet day,

sleep.

the second time around...

i wouldn't call myself a "seasoned" mommy, but i will definitely say that life with a newborn is much easier the second time around.

maybe it's because the initial "shock" of parenthood has already happened, and you are already broken in and know what to expect.

like, you already know you won't sleep much at all those first few weeks. and you know you won't magically pull up those skinny jeans just because you've been breastfeeding your brains out. and you know you don't have to spend every waking second staring at the little life you've birthed just to make sure they are breathing, etc.

i can say that for me (and G!), #2 has been a breeze.

i mean it makes sense. her labor was crazy short and as close to painless as you can get (thank you Jesus for the epidural!). we spent less than 24 hours in the hospital and my recovery was a cinch.

but even more than that, G and i found that the whole parenting part of it--the whole adjustment to a newborn came extremely natural...even in the midst of our red-headed whirlwind of a 2-year old.

...

reflecting back to when we had Kai there are some major differences with how we parent Sunny. i guess all of our "practice" on Kai totally paid off (hope he turns out alright! :P)

so here's what has changed the second time around...

1. "routine" went out the door.

i can remember with baby Kai how at first we thought he had to be on this stringent schedule, like, right away (feedings, naps, playtime, etc.) HA! let me just say, our quality of life greatly improved when that went out the window and we stopped trying to "force" routine on him.

with Sunny i'm much more laid-back about the whole breastfeeding bit. i don't keep a "log" of when i feed her, or how long i feed her. i just feed her when she's hungry. some days it's more than others and that's ok. breastfeeding on demand is NOT easy, or convenient...but it is rewarding and keeps the baby at their peak of contentment (and healthy!).

we don't count naps. if she's tired, she falls asleep or we rock her until she falls asleep. we don't put her down and make her cry until sleep comes. we have learned to read her cues and let nature take over. some days she takes awesomely long naps, some days she takes a bunch of cat naps! either way, it's ok.

i like to give Sunny a bath every night (it just seems right when she is in a diaper all day!) but ya know what? if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. i don't lose sleep over it. i can remember giving Kai baths at like 11pm because i didn't think he should go to bed "dirty." ha. yeah, life goes on.

2. we co-sleep. and it's ok.

i had Kai in a pack-n-play by my bed until he was 6 months old. i brought him in to bed with me to feed him at night, but rarely let him stay. let me just say that i have learned that i get waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more sleep when Sunny just stays with me. no in and outs, up and downs....just snuggling and feeding and most importantly, sleeping! i know this is a controversial thing, and trust me i have done my research. i'm not a HUGE supporter of the whole attachment parenting way of life, some if it seems a bit extreme...but some of it makes complete sense. i guess that's what is cool about being your OWN kind of parent....you get to pick and choose.

i look forward to going to bed and snuggling with Sunny. especially with me back to work I really crave that time with her. it's like our special time. i can't imagine doing it any different right now. and NO, she won't be in our bed forever. it just feels right for now and i'm going with it!

3. we go, and go and go some more!

with Kai i kind of slowly worked my way up to running errands and taking trips.

shoot. with Sunny i was going, going, going from week 1. i had her in the baby bjorn right away, and i'm glad i did because she loves it and it is my saving grace when we are out and about and i need my hands and arms. she comes to the weekly "Kai and Mommy" park date, she comes to story hour at the library, she comes to Walmart (unfortunately), etc. because i've gotten her out she is well-adjusted and will let just about anybody snuggle her and give strangers in line behind us big ol' smiles.

i'm sure there are more, but those are the main things.

...

it's crazy when you think about being a parent...and being responsible for RAISING an actual PERSON. but honestly, i think too many first-time parents think too hard. i know at times we did.

yes, i believe that all children need to be parented differently, just as no two children are the same. what works for one child may not work for the next, and so on.

the biggest thing i have learned is that no book, blog, article, mother-in-law, friend or parenting guru has the magical solution to a healthy, happy baby. only you. only mommy and daddy. but too often we reject what comes natural to us a parents in lieu of what has worked for someone else, or what we read in a bestselling book.

i have learned in my humble 3 years of motherhood that i don't need a book. i just need to relax, let things happen, say a prayer for strength and discernment and cherish every day i have because tomorrow tmy sweet baby is one day older and one day bigger and one day closer to walking out the door to kindergarden...

i have learned that there is no magic parenting formula.

all you need to do is listen and love.

it is then, when you will hear what your baby needs and wants and routine will not be forced, but simply fall into place.



getting aquainted with Kai's kind of Jesus.

early one morning on our daily commute down 395 to daycare I say to a sleepy Kai

look at that pretty, pretty sky!

He replies

Wow Mommy. Jesus painted.

not "Jesus painted?" 

but

Jesus painted (period).

...

it's that child-like faith that daily inspires me to, well, be more like my two-year old.

...

he runs to me, begging me to "kiss his owies."

i know that big goose-egg on his forehead is still throbbing, but he always walks away with a little smile, content with Mommy's healing kisses.

it's in his endless, simple, "thank-you" prayers each night (for everything from carpet to the carwash)

it's in that "one more hug, Mommy" before I walk out the daycare door, and his smile as he watches me drive away, trusting that I will be back for him and his sister after naptime.

it's his chubby little hand reaching for mine once his bedroom light turns off. no fussing. no crying. no flailing.

just reaching.

...

yes, i can learn a lot from my two-year old.

daily, he re-introduces me to a healing, "owie kissing," comforting, faithful, Jesus.

a hand that is always holding. arms that are always open.

it really is that simple.

all i have to do is reach out and hold on. 

Because I, your God,
    have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go.
I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic.
    I’m right here to help you.’

Isaiah 41:13 (MSG)

My Kai: Sick Snuggles & Jesus

2 years.

and my little baby has turned into a little man.

...

that "mommy-son" bond is no joke.

this little guy is literally my heart existing outside of my body.

...

there are certain things that I always tell him without even really thinking about it, like

"you're my favorite boy in the whole world"

i must say it more than i think--or he must listen better than i think because the other day he was feeling under the weather and extra snuggly and he crawled up into my lap and i held him close and as he melted into my embrace his soft little sleepy voice muttered "favorite boy in the whole, whole world."

and with a heart swollen with love, in the tiny arms of my two-year old

I see Jesus

scooping me up in His arms, not needing any words--just my trust and surrender...

and i too, feel that love.

that "whole, whole world" kind of love.

....

"tickle face...one more minute..."

 this sums up what it's like some most of the time with two kiddos under 2.

it's double the diapers, double the mess, double the laundry but oh-my-goodness definitely double the fun...

there are days (and nights), however that are double the disaster....

like trying to get out the door for, let's say, church.
both kids are dressed and semi-presentable looking and then Sunny decides to spit-up all over her pretty little dress (that she has yet to wear and will probably grow out of next week but now won't get to wear because it's dirty...) and Kai does a last-minute dash to his "pooping post."

after changing the wriggling, squacking Sunny out of her wet clothes and forcing her chubby little limbs into a new (but less cute and more comfortable) outfit and trying to wrestle the toddling poop monster to the ground to get changed church is half over and at that point i have sweaty armpits, a wet shirt (i'll leave the location to your imagination) and disheveled looking hair and simply surrender to the circumstances and go change into sweats and say a prayer for my sanity.

or, maybe, bedtime for instance.
with G, bedtime is smooth sailing. and most nights, he's home to help (thank you Jesus!).

but sometimes he works late, works out-of-town or is just super-duper tired and sneaks away to bed before i can get my bum off the couch for kiddo bath time...

and on those nights, it (usually) sucks.

see Kai has this crazy elaborate bedtime routine that i don't know how to break him of.

it goes bath, brush, jammies, books (anywhere from 2-6 depending on WHO is reading), prayers, rock and sing, "tickle face" in bed, try to sneak out before he can mutter "tickle face" one more time....

this has the potential of taking the better part of an hour. i kid you not.

during our bedtime prayers, we thank Jesus for EVERYTHING (the carwash, ipad, shovels, hair, Daddy's truck, blankets, etc.) and then the "tickle face" portion of the event is painfully drawn out.

but we do it every. single. night. (he does sleep through the night on a positive note!)

we usually take turns with Kai's bedtime because it is such a labor of love, and whoever has "off duty" is in charge of the typically sleeping Sunny Boo.

But let me tell you, the mixture of  1) G unavailable to double-team bedtime, 2) an awake and hungry Sunny and 3) a needy and over-tired Kai is the WORST.

Sunny fussing in whatever aparatus I've left her in, Kai whining for more "tickle face" and me, tired and silently cursing my unavailable husband while daydreaming about lying on a warm beach with a beer in my hand and no stretch marks on my six-pack bikini clad body...

and then there's this....

we're a wonderfully happy mess, we are.

Hello Sunshine!

It's really quite amazing what can happen in just a year...

(or 9 months, I should say!)

Our sweet Sunny June joined our family in late July.

She was a surprise that came at the perfect time

 (a true testament to God's perfect timing--perhaps more on that later),

and sure makes our family feel complete.

I thought that babies didn't come much easier than Kai.

But, apparently, they do.

And her name is a perfect match to her disposition.

well hello, old friend.

I haven't forgotten about you.

In fact, I think of you often. Usually early in the morning or late at night when my head is spinning and my thoughts are churning and I'm longing to write but am too exhausted to do anything but think.

I'll be honest. I did not intend to return to this blog.

Too many chapters are missing. Life has changed. I'm so behind...

I literally have not logged in since my last post on December 5th of last year.

I felt guilty when I thought about it--like a student avoiding the teacher of a class skipped every day.

But lately my desire to write has returned in full force and today I felt compelled to

start again.

So I boldly logged back in, picked a clean template, took a deep breath and started typing.

There is something so sacred and beautiful about capturing memorable moments with words. Celebrating life with images and captions. Encouraging. Thanking.  Sharing.

So, I'm back.

A year older. A year wiser. A year more blessed.

 

 

And I can't wait to catch up.