FIRST guest post!

And then came Kai...

a poem by Honey the Golden Pyrenees

things have changed, they're not the same

ever since the little one came

it used to be me, the girl and the boy

until the stork dropped off their bundle of joy

they named him Kai, that boy, so small

i thought for sure he was just a doll

i sniffed and watched, but stayed away

that doll named Kai didn't want to play

he just slept, and cried, and looked about

while i sniffed and snuffed and snorted my snout

it took me some time, but i soon enough found

that firey-haired boy was sticking around

so i slid a bit closer, and sniffed and then licked

and to my surprise, he smiled, laughed and kicked

with each day i snuck closer to where he lay

"Honey, nice" they would say, and would say, and would say

i am nice, yes i am, so gentle and kind

but when i'm by that babe, i have a one track mind

i have to, i have to, i have to just taste

that sweet baby boy's soft smiley face

he giggles and wriggles and on my head pounds

but i do it again, because i love his sounds

so that boy and i, yes siree we're now friends

cause you see it's his moods, my walks most days depend

so i lick and i sit and i play and i roll

in hopes that soon we'll be out for a stroll

me on my leash and kai over wheels

or on the girl's back, whatever she feels

the sidewalk is crowded, we no longer run

but a walk is a walk--it's outside in the sun

it's different this life, than it was before

we all used to sleep, sometimes even snore

but now nights are broken into bits of sleep

as off to Kai's room girl must quietly creep

late at night there are cries that nobody hears

but nothing gets by me, not these watchdog ears

i hear that boys cries, even the softest of sounds

and with my wet nose wake Mommy to quiet him down

oh, and wait did i mention the wonderful treats

that Kai drops, even wears for me when he eats?

i wasn't so sure of how life would be

when our family was four and no longer three

but it's good, it's great and most days even grand

with the feel of my fur under Kai's tiny hand.

not just a "scar."

yesterday i had yet another reminder of why i absolutely ADORE working with children.

it's been awhile since i've been immersed in the public school scene, and i am falling quite comfortably back into my old niche amidst the hustle and bustle of the playground, times tables and learning how to share and have manners.

i'd forgotten how much joy, laughter and smiles those little buggers bring (my voice has also forgotten how to stay at an elevated volume for hours on end--i'm hoarse!) and have really enjoyed getting to know the littles that frequent the after school program i'm teaching for the rest of the school year.

it's fun to get students in an "after school" environment. it's a different mentality and allows (and encourages) more time for play and fun (after, of course, homework).

but today i was reminded on a deeper level of another reason

why i have missed working with kiddos.

i was spending time teaching one of the younger girls how to finger knit, and she was firing off a gazillion questions to me about my family. who is your husband? what does he look like? do you have a daughter or a son? do you have a sister? do you have a mom and dad?

and on and on and on...

after learning i'd recently had a baby, she asked, "what is your son's name Mrs. Whitney?"

"His name is Kai," i replied. "it is a Hawaiian name, and means Ocean."

"oh," she exclaimed reflecting on my response.

silence.

{big smile}

"is his middle name yodee?"

"like coy-ote?" I said...

{loud shrieking giggles}

SO CUTE!

then she asked to see pictures of the baby boy, so i dug my blackberry out of my purse...

i showed her a few from when he was just a tiny babe, before his surgery when he had tape on his face for his cleft lip. i even had a picture from right after his operation that i showed her, and explained to her that his lip was fixed now, but he would have a scar there forever.

that squirmy, hyper, bouncing girl just sat there, quietly taking in Kai's story.

i thought maybe she was feeling sorry for my baby, or scared of what i'd shown her (as many young children are, especially of the pictures of his lip before it was corrected).

she just sat there staring at a photo of his smiling healing scarred lip and after a  few moments of silence, said in the most innocent, reassuring voice,

"Mrs. Whitney scars aren't a bad thing you know."

"Nope, they sure arent," i agreed.

"I have a scar too," she nonchalantly remarked.
"it's a lot bigger than your baby's, but it's a happy scar."

"Really?" i say, assuming she was going to show me the scar of a healed bike accident or tree-climbing incident.

i then watched as carefully, with the timid hesitation of a child before revealing their top-secret hiding spot, she pulled the front collar of her purple tee-shirt down to reveal the beginning of a deep, raised, large scar that, she indicated with the trace of her tiny finger ran far down the middle of her small chest.

"my scar is a happy scar because it reminds me of my new heart, she beamed. "it's a strong, healthy heart."

i didn't respond just then because i knew i would burst into tears.

i just smiled and gave her a little squeeze, trying to contain myself and choke back the emotion that so eagerly wanted to come streaming down my cheeks.

that moment was just {another} of those little reminders God sends,

just for you

to let you know you are right where he wants you to be.

someday i will re-tell this story to Kai, and pray that he will find the same strength and pride reflected back at him each time he looks in the mirror, and {sees} the story of his scar.

so thank you, sweet second-grade girl for inspiration, encouragement and affirmation that we all have scars--some just more visible than others--that tell stories of hope, second chances, healing, and in the most powerful form of all, forgiveness.

 "After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. 

The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord"

(John 20:20 NIV).

The Shamrock Shake Surprise

there are guilty pleasures that come along with just about every holiday, and i typically like to take full advantage of festive flavors:

at Christmas, it's fudge, toffee, sugar cookies, hot buttered rum, EGG NOGG LATTES, etc.

Thanksgiving boasts pies, candied sweet potatoes, cheesecake, WINE.....

Valentines Day = CHOCOLATES (the darker the better, preferably with a good red wine)

4th of July= fried chicken and  ice-cold BEER.

Halloween= handfuls from the candy bowl (and lots of those delicious candy corn pumpkins!)

Well, I'll be honest and admit that i'm really not a fan of the green beer. This does not mean that I frown upon all green holiday themed  beverages, as the one indulgence I crave when March rolls around is the perfectly flavored, delicious SHAMROCK SHAKE.

Hands down, my favorite milk shake flavor. EVER. (maybe because they are only offered one month out of the year...thank goodness for that!).

So tonight, Gary and his brother Jake (who is staying with us right now for their work) were one their way over to my parents house to sit in the hot-tub. Like the good Mommy that I am (ha!) I stayed behind to keep to Kai's bedtime routine. Because I was feeling sorry for myself that I was not going to get to bask in the glorious waters of the super-jets I told Gary he better bring me home a Shamrock Shake...after all, McDonalds is practically a stone's throw away from my parent's house.

"A Shamrock Shake with no whipped cream" was my order. "Please."

They returned home a little over an hour later. Kai was squeaky clean and fast asleep and I was sprawled out on our bed with damp clothes (a combination of bath water, formula and pee--Kai's, not mine ya sicko!). You know when you go to your room to do something like change or fold clothes or make the bed, but at the sight of your bed you just collapse? Yeah, that's what happened.

Well, I was reading my book too. Not just staring at the ceiling like a weirdo.

The moment I hear the key jam into the lock, my mouth instantly begins to salivate. I can already taste the sweet sugary shamrock...

Gary comes back to the room....with no shake.

"Ummmmm aren't you forgetting something?" I ask, like a fat little brat.

"Oh, don't you worry, it's out there" G replies.

I hear him and Jake talking out in the kitchen and then he {finally} brings me my shake (I'm still laying in bed NOT staring at the ceiling).

Perfect. No whip, just as I'd requested. I suck that thing down in less than 3 minutes, I kid you not.

As my straw-slurping at the last drops of green goodness at the bottom of the cup begins to echo down the hall, Jake comes back to "show me a video."

Yeah, that just happened.

No whip, just like I ordered (THEY, obviously, did not).

I was wondering why Honey intently sat

drooling at the foot of the bed while I gulped it down.

And I even let her lick out the cup....

Well, that concludes my St. Patty's day indulgences for the year...

Next comes Easter:

Bring on the Cadbury mini eggs ;)

finding "matching" pieces...

Sometimes

I do get to places

just when God's ready

to have somebody

click the shutter. 

~Ansel Adams

There are a {handful} of pictures just like this one, tucked away in a bulging album, slightly discolored and musty smelling from being pressed together on dusty shelves for over twenty-six years.

Just as Kai is a part of me, he is a part of my Dad and his Dad and his Dad...

This photo saves a moment

and

connects a generation...

and with a "click"

another piece of the puzzle of this unpredictable, heart-breakingly beautiful life
slides into place.

refusing to give into apathy. anger. helplessnes. (in the wake of tragedy...)

when the news of the tragic earthquake/ensuing tsunami first hit the news i stared {silent} at the screen, my heart anxious and aching for the great loss and devastation weighing heavy upon the people of Japan.

without thinking, i peeled my eyes away from the screen and walked straight into Kai's bedroom, where he lay fast asleep in his crib. i picked him up and just held him close, taking in his sweet baby smell and feeling the rythym of his warm breath on my neck.

{life is precious}

i hate that helpless feeling. you know, the kind you get when something really terrible happens and you can't do anything to stop it. it could be a natural disastor, like this one all the way across the globe OR, maybe a relative with cancer. death. a friend who has lost their marriage--or baby. a hurting, lost child.

you find yourself asking "why."

your heart feels cold, questioning and sometimes {bitter}.

you feel helplessly adrift in a deep sea of suffering.

but it's in those very moments that we often fail to realize that we (yes, you and me) are equipped with the ability to provide the most vital, important kind of support that one can offer. 

Prayer.
^6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

 Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

too often we underestimate the power of prayer. but just think of how much more {hope} you could bring to your life and the lives of those around you if you decided to replace all of your energy spent on worry, with prayer.

Life is overwhelming, and nothing that WE can do, on our own, will ever be enough. We will continue to question, blame and drown in depression and search for meaning until we {embrace} the God who gives life and

hears the prayers of His children.

 Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you {hope} in the Lord.

Psalm 31:24.

source

In the multitude of my anxieties within me,Your comforts delight my soul.

Psalm 94:19

just a little update...

I haven't blogged in a couple of days...it's not that I haven't wanted to, I just honestly have NOT had the time. or energy. or enough caffeine to stay awake. (all of the above).

This has been kind of a big week for us.

I started not one, but TWO part-time jobs...so that makes THREE part-time jobs total (that equal around 25 hours give-or-take):

1) Yoga instructor at Club24
2) GED Examiner at Blue Mountain Community College (Hermiston)
3) Site teacher for Champions extended learning (K-5 afterschool program)

I forgot how overwhelming it is to start a new job. The overload of new information is exhausting and well, it's just been awhile since i've worked (outside of the home and gym).

But it feels good to get out and {help} others again. It's really made me realize how much I MISS working with kids (and teenagers, I guess...haha). I just feel like i'm in my element when i'm working with students, whether it be on homework, playing a game, doing an activity or just talking about life. It feels good.

AND {happy dance!} GARY got called for work (finally!). It's not a big job, but it's WORK and it's been long overdue (3 months). He's in Seattle this weekend for a Union meeting so I'm flying solo with baby, just like the old days (it's weird!).

All in all, that explains my little vacation from the blogosphere. I've been trying to balance house chores and baby all the while up to my ears in training manuals, paperwork and seemingly hundreds of "introductory" emails.

I came home last night to a VERY messy house, which I was far too tired to clean (or care). I had some prep to do for my Saturday yoga class so I put Kai to bed, did my work and then crashed. But after two wake-ups from Kai and an early alarm, it felt like I didn't even get a full hour of sleep!!

But yoga, POWER yoga has a fabulous way of energizing me and really waking me up. My Mom came over to watch Kai while I went to teach (and wake myself up!) and when I came home my house was clean. Dishes done, floors swept and vaccumed, laundry started. {I LOVE MY MOM!}

So here I am now: work out done, house clean, baby sleeping, breakfast made, coffee in hand (and it's only 10am!!).

Today I'll catch up on laundry, get some reading done (work-related AND for pleasure!) and maybe if i'm really feelin' in, I'll finish our taxes ( we ALWAYS procrastinate our taxes. bad habit, I know...). Tonight, we'll attend Jude's birthday party (she's 2! what the heck?!) at "Nana's" house but for right now, I'm going to get caught up on my blog writing {and} reading....

and spending my Saturday peacefully abiding in the arms of a God who SO faithfully provides.

big worries buried by small blessings...

It's the little things.

The tiniest, ever-so-small objects. notions. sparkles. creatures. people...

that, if noticed....if taken in and appreciated...offer us such {great} joy.

I was mindlessly picking up around the house and as I hung up one of my stray bags I spotted the tiniest little GAP hat, hung right there on the weighed down coat rack, and felt my heart warm and a teary smile stretch across my face.

Too often I feel like that coat rack. Tired, at capacity, and burdened by a heavy load.

And then it happens.

Like a divine wake-up call, I'm drawn out of my selfish pity and greed by some small notion that pulls me back to proper perspective....it could be a smile. a hug. a phone call. a letter. a text. a song. a verse. witnessing a tender moment, or sefless act. gaining inspiration from the humble service of another. a random act of kindness....

or a small little hat...

waiting to be worn by my sweet little messy blessing, who has made our family feel so complete.

and just like that, my heavy load is lightened.

{thankful}