maintaining balance: reading for pleasure, taking exercise outdoors & (of course) food

all throughout my Masters program, i kept a running "reading for pleasure" list, as i will admit that i did NOT keep a "balance" between school/work-related reading and personal "for fun" reading (who does can?) much of my grad school reading was compelling, interesting and very relevant, so it wasn't like i was stuck reading the DSM (well, sometimes i was) or pouring over case studies (well, sometimes i was) but for the most part it was all good (i'll admit right now that i actually miss being in school--i could honest-to-God be a lifetime student. i love school. sick? maybe, but very true).

well, i'm done with grad school, and am not planning on going back for the good ol' Doctorate for awhile. someday, perhaps, but not now...

so, i'm reading for pleasure (finally!)

i've been burning through books like crazy, like i'm making up for lost time.

i read mostly at night. after Kai's in bed and i've somewhat put the house back together i look forward to nothing more than making a cup of tea and crawling into bed or into a big fleece blanket on the couch with a book. the problem with this is many times, i can't stop. i keep reading and reading and reading and before i know it, it's 1am...but i'm back at it the next night.

i remember when G and i were first married and i felt guilty asking if i could have my bedside table light on because he had to get up early for work...so i would bribe him with the promise of tickling his back/scratching his head while i read to offset the light being on.

this bit me in the butt.

now EVERYTIME i read in bed, G rolls over (practially across my lap) and says "you know the deal..."

so not only have i been doing a lot of reading, i've been doing a lot of tickling and scratching (sigh).

i've been, like, WAY obsessed with Kristen Hannah. she has 18 novels published, and so far i've read 10. they are pretty good sized, too. but to keep me well versed and balanced, i've started offsetting her novels with non-fiction to kind of give me a bit of variety.

so yesterday, i started (and finished!) Portia De Rossi's Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain

i remembered watching her on Oprah, GMA, the Today Show and, of course Ellen (her wife) promoting the book. She struggled for over twenty years of her life with extreme dieting/bulimia/anorexia (dropping below 90 lbs. at her lowest point), and tells her story with unflinching honesty. i enjoy reading memoirs about real-life people who have triumphed over life's obstacles...especially when they write with such breathtaking, raw courage.

while i have never struggled with an eating disorder i have battled with the pressure to be thin from a society that glorifies skin and bone. i have a naturally very athletic build, and have always had thick legs and been able to put on muscle quite easily. i love food too much to deprive myself, but i have definitely attempted (and failed) some pretty crazy diets/exercise regimes.

i've concluded that no supplement, program, club, class, diet, drink or pill will do the trick.

if something does cause you to lose weight rapidly or drastically, you will inevitably gain it all back (or more!) once you stop. your body will always return to it's natural, "healthy" weight.

with that being said, i'm going to share some of my favorite excerpts from the book (Unbearable Lightness) that i believe everyone can relate to, and should hear. take it for what you will, but i believe it packs a powerful punch:

• I hate the word exercise. I am allergic to gyms. But I don't think that "formal" exercise in a gym is the only way to achieve a healthy, toned body. I have discovered that enjoyable daily activites that are easy, like walking, can be equally beneficial. I have noticed on my daily walk with my dogs that I rarely see an overweight person walking a dog, whereas I see many overweight people walking on treadmills in a gym. I attribute this not only to the frequency of having to walk your dog, but also the good feeling one has when doing something good for another being. Seeing my dogs' excitement as I walk them around my nighborhood every day makes me happy, and when I'm happy I walk a little taller and a little more briskly. I can only imagine the enjoyment parents must experience when seeing the joy on their kids' faces as they play tag football or shoot hoops with them.

• I also enjoy being outdoors. I like breathing the cold night air deeply into my lungs as I walk up the hills in my nieghborhood and smelling the forest air as I walk on hiking trails after a morning rain.

• Another way for me to stay fit is to do activities where I can learn a skill, like horse riding or tennis or dancing. I find that if I can concentrate on getting better at something, rather than getting fitter or looking better, I accomplish all three things- the latter two bieng happy by-products of the original goal. Doing an activity to relax is also important for me. I swim to clear my head rather than count laps and burn calories. Swimming slowly is a form of meditation for me.

• I have found ways to increase my heart rate, stretch my muscles, and breathe deeply every day in an enjoyable way that I would never label as exercise.

• I eat every kind of food that I like, moderating the portions using my appetite and not a calorie counter. I love fat and I love carbs. Nothing fills you up and feels more satisfying than a mashed potato or pasta and olive oil. There are days when I eat a large bag of potato chips for lunch and I feel too full and greasy to eat anything else until dinner. It may not be the healthest, most balanced day in a lifetime of days, but I more than likely won't repeat it in the following day.

• The diet industry is making a lot of money selling us fad diets, nonfat and sugar-free foods full of chemicals, gym memberships, and pills while we lose a little of our self-esteem everytime we fail another diet or neglect to use the gym membership we could barely afford. Restriction genereates yearning.

• You don't have to be emaciated or vomiting to be suffering. All people who live their lives on a diet are suffering. If you can accept your natural body weight-the weight that is easy for you to maintain, or your "set point"--and not force it to beneath your body's natural, healthy weight, then you can live your life free of dieting, of restriction, of feeling guilty every time you eat a slice of your kid's birthday cake. But the key is to accept your body just as it is. Just as I have had to learn to accept that I have thighs that are a little bigger than I'd like, you may have to accept that your arms are naturally a little thicker or your hips are a little wider. In other words, accept yourself.  Love your body the way it is and feel grateful toward it. Most improratant, in order to find real happiness, you must learn to love yourself for the totality of who you are and not just what you look like.

Pretty thought-provoking and inspiring if you ask me.

It really is all about maintaining a healthy balance and accepting and loving and taking care of the bodies that we have been given. Too often we get lost in the lies our culture shoves down our throat that make us believe our attractiveness is directly correlated with our jean size, but I call B.S. on that notion. I'm not as "thin" as I once was, but you know what? I'm happy. I'm healthy. I LOVE getting out and enjoying the sunshine with my baby and puppy dog, and taking (and teaching!) fun classes at my gym. I've lost the pregnancy pounds and am currently sitting at my bodies natural, healthy weight of 150 pounds--not the 125 that I once maintained with such discipline. I've traded size 2's for size 8's but ya know what?

I'm smiling.